Regression Session 4

After the sex dream with Henry and a few other questions pop into place, I scheduled another past life regression appointment for the week of Ida’s birthday.

We go under hypnosis using only breathing. Deep breath in and out as we go down the body, relaxing parts. If you haven't done it before, it goes something like this. Deep breath in, focus on relaxing your eyelids, then your nose and mouth, deep breath out. This continues down the body to your shoulders, back, arms, legs, fingers, and toes. Even if you are not going under, this is a great tool to relax for bed or meditation.

Once under, we try to go for a deeper level of going under hypnosis. Like in an elevator going down to another floor. I appear on a cliffside overlooking a waterfall below. There is a staircase going down below. It has ten steps that lead down with a rope railing. The point of this is to go deeper under hypnosis with each step I climb. As always the detail is impressive. I can feel the rope cutting into my hand as I grip it. At the bottom, the waterfall pours into a pool. The cliffside base is stone. Gray-ish blue. The walls and the floor. I am not given details as to what it should look like so my brain creates its detail. Jennifer describes a warm summer day with sunshine. As usual, my brain incorporates her details into what I see. The gray/blue stone turns gray. The dark sky becomes bright and the stone under my feet becomes warm. Co-adapting with what I am being told, a white light emerges from the waterfall. Its light shines and created a rainbow in the water mist.

I am told to follow the light and I step into the pool and walk behind the waterfall. I believe Jennifer meant that the cliffside waterfall would be fed into a river and lead to two valleys connected by a bridge. Now, something important to note is that you don't know your regressionist's intent when they send you somewhere. I created a stone courtyard with the waterfall going into a pool like a fountain. When Jennifer mentions a bridge to cross, I can’t say “Now, what just a minute here. How can there be a bridge in my courtyard?” I'll break the hypnosis if I question it. But I cannot refuse the added details without possibly ruining the experience. You are forced to add the new details as they come and adapt your world so that both may fit.

When Jennifer tells me to go to the bridge and follow the light, I step into the pool and walk behind the waterfall which opens to two valleys with a bridge to connect them. I remember this detail, It occurs to me that I have done this prompt before during my second regression and I know what to expect.

There is a guardian on the bridge like before. I imagine her form before Jennifer announces her arrival. She looks the same as before. Pale skin, fire hair, and ice-blue eyes. She's wrapped in her burgundy cloak with a hood. I silently ask her what I am meant to. Ask for protection, ask for guidance. Nothing can harm me where I am going. I am safe. My lungs almost laugh at me. Safe? Ha. Painless? Ha.

Before me, are several paths that look like ant tracks. They expand and solidify as I realize they represent many lifetimes that I may choose from. The light is reflected onto the pathways and I asked to choose. To go and follow the one that is calling me. Ida's path is the one that leads to the ocean as always.

The mist that surrounds all engulfs me and I vanish once my feet touch the water.

I'm on the boat deck of Titanic of course. I know its feel and smell like none other. Ida's body is as familiar as my own though I am supposed to only watch from outside the body, I don't mind going within. Looking from the outside reminds me of a ghost, someone not invited or wanted. It's comforting to have a physical form while you do this.

Ida is at the stern of the ship, looking at the view. It is slightly cold as there is a blowing breeze coming around us. The openness of the world before her is unsettling. She is used to a forest and hills. This is a flat open nothingness. Looking at the view, she's sad and nervous. Scared even. Openness is not a good feeling. Not safe. She’s afraid of the open ocean, a sentiment I too share but I had believed my fear stems from Ida’s death. If she is also afraid in life then this fear goes beyond her life. It is older than her life.

We count down from ten and once the timer runs out, I am not there any longer.

We go inside. I am sitting down for dinner in the third-class dining saloon. There's beef on the plate, mushy and cut up into small slivers. There are sliced carrots, rice pudding, and cubed white potatoes. She's drinking water from a cup on the left of her plate. The plate is white with a red flag in middle, the cup is the same. White star line issued. The flatware is silver, I don't see a logo on it. Ida's food doesn't touch, she keeps it neatly apart with the middle open to see the logo. It's almost arranged like a painter's palette. Since the food is cut up into small bits, she does not use her knife. She eats with a fork and drinks from her cup using only her left hand. I am asked to describe the room. The floor is dark brown wood, arranged like planks. White steel walls. There's no tablecloth on the table. I am asked if I can see a menu card to determine the date. I look around but do not see one on the table. I am sitting on the far left of the table with my back to the wall. I cannot see the menus on any other table. I believe it is April 12th.

I am asked If I hear music, I do not. I can hear ladies talk about buying clothes and needing more luggage to fit their new purchases from the trip. This is odd, most of the third class were immigrants I thought, not passengers on a trip. I look up and see the beautiful blonde girl across the room. She's dressed in nice clothes, looks like a white tea dress, wearing white gloves and a hat. I am not interested in her but her attire. She looks like a princess among peasants. I am jealous of her clothing. I feel inferior in her presence. I do not like this feeling of being out of place.

I am asked to think of Henry. To think of our interactions together. How many times have we met each other? The scenes flash before me like a movie montage. I see Ida trip him on the stairs of the dining saloon. I see him retrieve her from the smoking room entrance as she tried to enter it. I see him escorting her away back to her cabin. They meet each other in the hallways many times as they often share the same spaces. He smiles at her when they cross paths. Seems to remember her each time and Ida is thrilled at this. He makes her feel comfortable, peaceful, and safe. She likes him and he knows. I cannot gauge the level of attraction he has for her. He touches her arm, shoulder, and back during their interactions but he does not hold her hand. He does not attempt to kiss her. If they met on April 12th, they would have had two days of interactions before the sinking.

Henry is too nervous in their interactions, always looking to see if someone is noticing. His regard for her, collecting her, escorting her. This is a steward's job. Henry is an engineer. Why would he do duties beneath his status? His care of her does not seem to have an ulterior motive. He does not attempt to gain access to her cabin. He does not pull her anywhere. Henry did not rape Ida, I am sure. He is careful of touching her. They didn't sleep together. Ida is too shy to jump him. Henry is too professional to hold her hand. This was his big promotion. His first good rank. He cannot ruin his reputation by being caught pant-less in a linen closet with a passenger. Certainly not with a passenger that didn't speak English and cannot verbally give consent.

I am asked to wander around the ship. To go to where I need to be. I go everywhere I can. I want to see more of the ship. Need to see it. Ida is more attached to it than I am. This is her home, this is her happy place and she won't leave it without a fight; Dead or alive.

I am whisked away to Finland. I am at her home with the long, yellow grass like wheat. Ida is seven or eight years old, playing with her sister Saida. They are chasing each other around. I am asked about languages. I found out from my Finnish pen pal that the Aland islands speak Swedish only. Finnish is not particularly tolerated there. I have tried to learn Swedish before, I cannot use it. I do have a knack for Finnish though. Ida mulls over the question. Her family is Swedish yes, I knew this. But they live in Finland. I get the feeling that Ida's mom is Finnish, dad is Swedish. The family used both languages. I see Ida and Saida playing, still chasing each other. They come close to the water's edge. It's shallow and maybe shin deep. Ida is afraid of it. She does not splash in it as a typical child, she does not attempt to cross it. Instead, she chooses to go around this puddle. I see a tiny flash of memory. Ida is much younger, perhaps three standing at the water's edge. She's only looking at it before her father shows up and grabs her from behind to sling her over his shoulder. He's frantically speaking gibberish at her but the message is clear; “You scared the hell out of me.” I get the feeling that Ida never learned to swim. Maybe she had had a near-death experience. Perhaps the water is always too cold. If so, then I’ve been too hard on her in the nightmares. Always yelling at her to move and swim away when the corridor starts to flood.

Almost as if Ida is fighting for control of the situation, she sends us back to Titanic rather than me trying to answer the questions. Rather than fight her on it, I allow her to show me what it is she thinks I need to see. We're back on the boat deck, at the end of the stern, having a look around. I can see two people nearby. There's a man named Michael with a woman named Irene.

Michael looks to be in his 40s. He's heavyset and nearly bald. His face is very fat and round-shaped. He reminds me of the goofy scientist from the 90s movie Richie Rich which I have not seen in twenty years. His scalp hair is black but he has facial hair from ear to ear, just enough to lightly cover his face. His facial hair is dark brown and freshly clipped short. He's wearing a tan suit though he holds his jacket over his right shoulder. Irene looks are old enough to be his mother. She's in her 60s? She has long fading yellow hair and pale blue eyes. The dark circles and wrinkles make her face look haggard and old. Michael is holding her right hand in his left hand. He keeps kissing her hands like he is trying to console her. Irene looks frail and she's wrapped in a navy blue coat/blanket. The breeze bothers her. It is slightly cold. I can see Irene twist a gold band on her left ring finger. It has a pale green round gem. Peridot maybe? Ida followed them up the stairs to the boat deck as she did not know which way it was. I think they are also third-class passengers. Maybe second-class at best. Michael keeps pointing at the ocean like he can see the shore. I know he can't because there is nothing to see but water and mist. Nevertheless, he points where land should be as if he is trying to show something to Irene. Perhaps they were cross-channel passengers that arrived or departed in France or Ireland.

Ida can’t remember how to get up to deck again though she does try when the ship is sinking.

I drag us back to Finland once more to get a good look at her home as I am currently trying to paint what I saw. As always, Ida is reluctant to leave the ship that she came to love. Even death will not tear her from it. I know some part of her resides in the wreck or with her locket. She is at peace being there despite her fear of the deep ocean. I need to accept this.

I see her home not as the poor place that it was but unlike her, I can see her happiness off living there and how much she had outside of money. I am asked what the lesson is in this life. Again, I know possessions are not worth dying for. However, Ida's life had less money than my own, but she had a richer life than my own anyways.

As per usual, I am asked to return. A door opens in Finland. It's wood colored. Maybe oak with a rounded top edge. A nice honey stain tint. I walk through it into an empty void. I am asked if there is anyone I wish to see. I can call them forth. I ask for Henry. I wished for more time with him.

Henry easily appears, still in his uniform without his hat. He's wearing a sad smile. I tell him I'm sorry that I got him killed. He apologizes for not being able to help me get to safety. I told him that I wished we had more time to get to know one another and he softly laughs with me before telling me we will try again next time. I hold on to him and I ask where he is. He says the stars. I get the feeling that he is not currently alive right now. I will have to wait longer. 100 years is long enough I think. There's a very real possibility that I may be twice his age if I meet him again. He may be a she next time as well. The worst of all is I may not see him in this life at all. We may never cross paths again. We discuss other things that I will not be sharing online. Time is up too soon as it always is. He dissolves back into the mist and I'm forced to wake up feeling physically refreshed but mentally worn down.
I am told that I may have tapped the well dry on regressions for Ida’s life since I am not getting much from it. We’ve agreed to try a different past life at the next appointment to give this life some rest. Doesn’t mean that I won’t come back to it, only that it might need a rest.