Regression Session 5: Going Native

Warning: Graphic Death Scene. Mature readers only.

February 15th, 2022

By chance, I had a few days home alone and was able to get a last-minute appointment for another regression. Since the new year’s madness had worn off, Jennifer had an opening in her schedule. As before, we had our meeting over zoom.

After a few minutes of catching up, we began the process. I was told to focus my eyes above the natural eye line so it would cause a little strain. I found an imperfection on my ceiling and focused on it. Jennifer slowly convinced me that my eyelids were heavy which they became at her command. I was allowed to close them and took a few deep breaths. Piece by piece, body part by body part, I was told to relax. The eyelids to my jaw. From my shoulders to my toes, I was told to unwind and relax. I could feel the tension leave me as each part sunk into the soft bed beneath me. This time was a bit different. Although I was trying to relax, my body felt like it was been shot full of adrenaline. I was restless and nervous. I felt like I needed to jump up and run.

My body was not following the protocol. I became so restless despite my body having finished the relaxing process. My skin was on fire, it burned, it itched. I was dying to throw the laptop off my lap and run a lap around the house. I broke a layer of hypnosis and fought to adjust my body.

I adjusted my leg to lean the weight of the laptop(which was sitting on my abdomen) to my left leg so I could pull my right leg to my hip. I did the reverse. I stretched out my arms and wiggled my fingers. I lifted my feet and wiggled my toes. The sensation was better but not gone. I panicked as the mental prompt started the second stage of the hypnosis. I was mentally placed on top of a steep hill overlooking the sea at Jennifer’s voice commands. A ledge with a waterfall appeared to my right. To my left, a staircase with ten steps going down and a rope railing. The sun was high in the sky, warmly shining on my face. Trying to not jostle the laptop any more than necessary, I lightly shoved it forward to my chest so I could kick my legs out and remove what restlessness I could. Jennifer’s voice told me to start walking down the stairs to deepen the trance.

I kicked twice more and tried to focus my mind on deepening the hypnosis, afraid that I would essentially “miss the bus”. As I reached the eighth step, I stopped kicking and pressed my body down into the bedding, snapping my mind’s full attention to the staircase. At the snap of Jennifer’s fingers, I stepped off the last step to the courtyard below. Before me was the bottom of a waterfall. White fog and mist pouring from it. I walked into the pool of water and walked through the mist.

When it cleared, there was nothing. I was told by Jennifer that I had arrived in my past life. I was nowhere. A white endless void. I panicked. I had waited too late to rejoin the second prompt and was now floating in limbo. Only I, could ruin my own regression.  I waited and waited as Jennifer asked me if I was there. Where was I? What was I seeing?

I felt Ida. I could feel her fear and despair that I associated with her death. I could feel a flicker of her spirit like the wind whirling about me. She pulled at me as if knowing I was here for her. I’ve always come for her, to seek answers and watch memories. I’ve connected to her so many times, I no longer seek her, she is here waiting for me. I hear almost a voice in the wind and I turn to it.

The fog cleared and I saw trees. Pine trees again. I realized I must have transported myself back to Aland and I am once again in Ida’s body. I am wrong. I am floating above like a bird in flight. I see a mountain chain with pine trees and mist. Suddenly, I am on the ground. I can see the mist in the air, pine trees surrounding me. There is snow on the ground, crunching under my feet. Looking to my feet, I don’t see Ida’s loafers or her bare feet like usual. I see boots made of animal skins. Moccasins. The two pieces of animal skin look as if they are glued together at the seams. They reached mid-shin and are sturdy. I ask myself where I am. Where am I? Where am? Where am I?

I am answered by a chorus of whispering voices. “Appalachia.”

I am asked if I am a male or female. I answer female.

There is a bush full of round, blood-red berries to my left. These are my purpose. I notice a basket in my right hand made of corn husks. I am asked what color my hair is. I lean down to pick berries as a wave of pitch-black hair rolls off my right shoulder in front of me like a curtain. I nearly jerk back in surprise. I thought there was someone beside me. I realize the black hair belongs to me. Its texture, not the color, startles me. It is not of Caucasian heritage. I am reminded by the hair texture belonging to a Japanese exchange student that I had befriended many years ago. I wonder if I am Asian.

The body is covered from her neck to her fingers in white fabric. She is even wearing some type of gloves. Heavy, silky hair touches my face. Her hair was currently slung over her right shoulder but not braided. I noticed that she has turquoise in her hair. It’s a headband of sorts. Its thread goes down 3/4s of the length of her hair. It’s woven large rocks of turquoise. I can see four pieces of turquoise that are in their natural state. They are woven with thread to hang from her headband down against her hair. I know somehow that this means she’s married. I think of her husband and I can see his face.

I am asked my age and I respond 28. I pick berries leisurely and seem to be in good spirits. She’s content with life. I catch a glimpse of her thoughts. She’s newly married. An arranged marriage but it seems to be a happy one. They respect and trust each other though they are not in love. She has pressure in her lower belly and pelvic area and I realize that under the blankets and heavy clothing, she is pregnant. This is her first. I guess she’s roughly three to four months along though I cannot say for certain.

I am asked her name. I can hear her whisper it to me. It is pronounced as Es-sheesh-mo. I try to say it in my mind as Jennifer waits for me to answer. I respond that I don’t know her name as I am unsure if I heard her correctly or If I can pronounce it exactly correctly.

Jennifer suggests that we move forward to a time of special importance in her life. I see her hurriedly dressing near a pool of water. She’s either bathed or swam. I can see her skin now and it is much darker than I expected to see. She’s Native American but her skin has a deep hue compared to my Choctaw kin. Her cheeks have a rosy glow to them as if she has a fever. She returns home to a cluster of huts spread across the plains. Branches from trees form a circle with animal skin covering it. Mud is used as the adhesive to bind them I believe. 

I am asked If I see people. I respond that yes, I am surrounded by people. All women and children. No men. I see her mother who has a boy of 6 years old beside her. Beside him is a girl of 5 years old.  They look the same, wearing only a skirt. I picture a baby too in my mind’s eye. Three children. All hers. 2 boys and a girl. The boy has his black hair braided down his back. The girl has her hair braided over her right shoulder. My hair now lies flat over both shoulders.

People are shouting. I turn to the right above the newly risen sun to see figures on the hill. I freeze in this body. I hope that I do not see what I expect to see. The colonial invaders on their genocidal warpath. I am lucky though. These people are not white settlers. They are another tribe from the east of the mountains. Neighbors of us. The boy runs away from his grandmother in the commotion. The girl runs towards her. Es-sheesh-mo collects the boy and runs inside the hut for her baby that’s crying out.

The people are raiding the huts for food. This is not a full-fledged attack. They planned this. They knew the men would not be here. They are dressed like us, carrying sharpened sticks. I look up and see a man on horseback. I know his face though his name does not come to me. He’s the one leading them. He just stands there on the hill and watches.

She rushes inside the hut and grabs the baby that is swaddled in a white wolf pelt. The invaders see her and think she’s stealing food. Two men pursue her. She is dragged out of the hut with her children. A man armed with a two-pointed spear kicks her down to the ground. She pulls the baby under her to protect him. The man then spears her in the back. One point hits between her shoulder blades and the second point hits the right shoulder blade, scraping against it. She cries out. To her right are her older children. They are lying unmoving beside her. Eyes open with blood droplets on their faces. I know they are dead. The second man grabs the baby from under her and pulls him out as she attempts to hang on to him. The first man presses more of his weight onto her. His knee holds her in place and the two pointed spear is pushed further into her. The man who grabbed the infant realizes with disgust that it is not wrapped food supplies that she was trying to conceal but her son. He crushes his the baby’s head with his foot inches from her face. The visual fades away and I am brought back to the void.

Jennifer explains that her life is over and I may call upon anyone I need to see from that life. I think of the husband that was away and ask for him. Instead, the mother appears and insists that I must forgive myself for being unable to save my family. I d not understand. I do not seem to feel guilt. there was no time to feel guilty.

I am brought back out of hypnosis and Jennifer explains she’s cut Es-sheeh-mo’s (spelling?) death short because she could see the distress on my face as I realized what was happening to the children. I do not how exactly her life ended. Nor do I know where her husband was with the other men. I may not ask to see more of this life though I wonder what tribe she was from.