““The breaking of a wave cannot explain the whole sea.””
There’s far too much for a blog.
The more I look at past lives and record the research, the more I think that this blog just cannot hold it all. I’ve tentatively begun writing the story as a nonfiction book. As of September 1st, 2022, I am currently up to 31,000 words and twelve chapters. This will likely take a long while to get it all written, edited, and possibly published. The journey is a heavy task and takes a large emotional toll. I’m not fully convinced that publishing is the way to go yet, as it is a difficult topic to even talk about let alone, fully embrace. I want to be fully convinced of the experience is real. I want to be certain that that is what I want and that I know the risks of publishing a piece like that. It’s a lot to risk to put a book out into the world which acts almost as a diary. You are exposing a personal journey with family secrets and some rough experiences for the public to look at it, read it, and immediately laugh in your face before telling you that you’ve either lost your mind or you’re full of it. I’m not sure what’s worse, being called a liar or being considered mentally unstable.
For the time being, I’m writing the book for myself. The first draft is after all only telling the story to yourself. I need to write it all down before I forget some of the minor details or mix-up dates. I would love to see the journey be penned down and wrapped up in a pretty cover. Something to stick on my shelf and say to myself “Yeah, you did that. You had those experiences, did the research, and here’s the beautiful result.” So, there will be at least one copy in print form.
Considering that I am still doing regressions when I find space available, I don’t know when the story will be over. I do want the story to be wrapped up before any form of publishing occurs. I know that Ida’s life was both short and dull. Her only moment in the spotlight was her death aboard a famous ship. I am scraping and begging for more information about her life. I don’t wish to go through the hell and expensive of a book, only to have the protagonist be a two-dimensional character with no depth. At the same time, if there isn’t enough, there’s nothing I can do.
I’m entertaining the idea of publishing a book while saving my pennies for editors, thickening my skin for the backlash and one-star reviews. I’m also looking for my AHA! moment to prove to myself beyond coincidence that this was real. I can’t prove to others that I still doubt myself.
I have learned the technique though.
Research
Outline
Write
Edit
Get Distracted By Facebook
Write Again
Look At Marketing Techniques And Get Overwhelmed
Check Cost Of Editors And Panic
Write
Lose All Motivation And Sob In The Corner
Write
Give Up Completely. This Was A Stupid Idea
Write Anyway